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 Matthowseism, the best of religions!

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Tirin
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PostSubject: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:05 pm

Matthowseism

How the World was created

In Matthowseism, the world was created in seven days as the Christian bible suggests, with the following alterations:

On the first day, a planet made of water, and a planet made of earth, collided. This colossal smashing of planets caused the two planets to join together, to form a planet in which there was earth and water.

On the second day, green meteorites began to rain down from space, dispersing trees, grass, and other wildlife across the planet, thus there was greenery.

On the third day capsules rained down from space, which turned into animals. Those which landed in the sea became fish and amphibians. Those which did not reach land became creatures of the air.

On the fourth day, everyone relaxed and enjoyed this planet.

On the fifth day a man woke up in a tree and realized his planet made of earth was no longer a planet made just of earth, and all his brothers had died.

On the sixth day a woman woke up in another tree and realized her planet made of water was no longer a planet made just of water, and all her sisters had died.

On the seventh and final day, both man and woman discovered each other, invented beer, got drunk, and spent a wild night together, no longer depending on asexual reproduction and ensuring more diversity.

Gods of Matthowseism

The gods of Matthowseism are as follows:

Matthew, A.K.A., Matt. The creator and controller, and specifically the god of sex and beer. The most important of the gods, but at the same time, least often involved in the world's affairs.

Peter, A.K.A., Tirin, God of Time, Cold, and Shadows. Most often involved in the world's affairs.

Evan, God of Badassedness.

DW, A.K.A., Darkwarrior, and Chris, Gods of War.

Sjet, God of Knowledge and Logic.

Alexander, A.K.A., Alex, God of Music.

Principles

The principles of Matthowseism are as follows:

1. You are better looking than anyone, no questions asked.

2. Every guy and girl, do, in fact, want you. (Depending on which sex you are).

3. Two followers should never counter-act each other, both are extremely good-looking and can work together to get any guy or girl.

4. You are not emo.

5. Anyone who says differently are to be considered heathens.

Any questions?


Last edited by Tirin on Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:41 pm; edited 1 time in total
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:12 pm

Epic.

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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:15 pm

I see you left out the part of the Gods in Matthowseism.
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Tirin
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Wed Mar 18, 2009 5:35 pm

That I did, but you should be able to figure them out...

Bah, I'll put 'em in anywho.
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Tirin
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:35 am

Any comments, ladies and gentlemen?
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 11:40 am

I'm converting.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 1:36 pm

Wow, Tirin, your gods suck. Except Matt, he owns at life. He's got beer and sex, the rest of you've got shit.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:10 pm

Stealthkill wrote:
Wow, Tirin, your gods suck. Except Matt, he owns at life. He's got beer and sex, the rest of you've got shit.

HEATHEN!
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:24 pm

You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:39 pm

scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.
Flat beer! That's just evil.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 2:45 pm

FOR THE HAND!!!

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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 3:14 pm

scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 3:26 pm

Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
I'm pretty sure he was talking to Stealthkill.

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Stealthkill
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 3:28 pm

Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
No. I'm RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Matt's the only cool god in your religion.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 4:52 pm

Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
No. I'm RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Matt's the only cool god in your religion.

You're just angry because you're not a god, you dirty, blasphemous heathen!
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:30 pm

Tirin wrote:
Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
No. I'm RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Matt's the only cool god in your religion.

You're just angry because you're not a god, you dirty, blasphemous heathen!
I'm Catholic, now shut up before I burn you at the stake.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:44 pm

Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
No. I'm RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Matt's the only cool god in your religion.

You're just angry because you're not a god, you dirty, blasphemous heathen!
I'm Catholic, now shut up before I burn you at the stake.

You have absolutely no idea who the hell you're messing with.
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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Fri Mar 20, 2009 5:52 pm

KA-MEH-HA-MEH-HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

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PostSubject: Re: Matthowseism, the best of religions!   Sat Mar 21, 2009 10:48 am

Tirin wrote:
Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
Stealthkill wrote:
Tirin wrote:
scitzy wrote:
You will all end up in FSM Hell, where all the strippers have VD and the beer is flat.

Nah, I'll end up in Matthowseism Heaven, which is totally awesome and filled with all manner of tasty food and beverages, and infinite girlfriends.

Stealthkill is WROOOONG.
No. I'm RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT. Matt's the only cool god in your religion.

You're just angry because you're not a god, you dirty, blasphemous heathen!
I'm Catholic, now shut up before I burn you at the stake.

You have absolutely no idea who the hell you're messing with.

I don't think empty threats will scare him, oh mighty Tirin.

SMITE THE HEATHEN!
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